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Office of Alcohol, Drug, and Health Education

Helping a Friend

Most of us know someone who has problems because of alcohol or other drugs. Most of us, however, are not sure how to help the person.

You don't have to wait

There is a mistaken belief that a person with a problem cannot be helped until he/she is ready. This is not true. It is true that you cannot force the person to change nor can you make the changes for him/her, but you can tell the person of your concerns.

Where do I start?

  1. Talk with others about your concerns. Speak with friends, residence hall staff, counselors, family members, or anyone else with whom you feel comfortable. Students often feel they are betraying a friend if they talk with others, but remember, you are not making judgements, you are simply discussing your concerns.
  2. Obtain information about the specific problem. If, for example, alcohol is the issue, read printed information and talk with people familiar with the problem, either a person who has experienced problems with drinking or an professional in the field. At Denison, you may contact the Health & Counseling Center or the Office of Alcohol & Drug Education.
  3. If you decide to talk with the person, plan ahead what you are going to say. Again, speaking with an objective uninvolved person is a good idea.
  4. When you meet with the friend about whom you are concerned, follow three steps:
    • Express your care and concern for the person.
    • Describe the specific behaviors about which you are concerned.
    • State your recommendations and suggestions.
    An example:
    If you are concerned about a friend's drinking, you might say something such as:
    Because you are a good friend, I want to tell you of my concern about your drinking. I have noticed that sometimes when you drink, you do things you would never do sober. Last week at the party, you made some embarrassing comments in a voice loud enough for everyone to hear. Also, two other times last month, you got so drunk that we had to help you back to the dorm, and then the next day, you did not remember that at all. I have spoken with other friends who have also noticed these incidents, and they are concerned about you as well. I would like you to talk with someone about this. There are people on campus or off campus who can discuss this with us. I will go with you if you like, but the important thing is that you speak with someone."
  5. If the person agrees to meet with someone, ask if your accompanying him/her would be helpful. If the person says that s/he can go on their own, then tell them you will check back after the appointment to see how it went.
  6. More often than not, however, the person will state that s/he does not want to speak with anyone else. Tell them that you wish they would but that you will certainly respect their decision. Then ask if you can check back with them in a week or so to again discuss any problems.
  7. On occasion, the person may become angry, accusing you of talking behind his/her back or even of calling his/her an alcoholic. Tell the person that you spoke with others out of concern and because you are not a professional. Explain that you are certainly not labeling them alcoholic, and, if fact, that is the very reason you want them to speak with someone else; i.e., you do not know enough about alcoholism to make such a determination.
  8. Most important, talk with a professional. If your friend is truly experiencing problems with alcohol, the situation may be beyond your ability to help.

How To Be a Friend to Someone Who Is Trying to Stop Drinking